(Disclaimer: I don't own Run Away With Me, Girl or any of its characters; all rights go to Battan and Kodansha. Please support the official release. Also, please don't read this until you have at least finished volume 2, as this is based on something that happens near the end of the volume. On that note, I have only read up to volume 2 myself at the time of writing this, so I apologize if there are any developments in volume 3 that would make this story not make sense. With that said, I hope you enjoy!)
Brriing.... Brriing....
The sound of a call going through has never been a more nerve-wracking sound in my entire short life. It doesn't help, though, that my heart pounding and my thoughts racing are even louder sounds to me.
Well, this is it.
I'm going to tell Tama-chan the truth.
Seeing Makimura-san and Midori-chan-san before they left Shodo-Shima today inspired me to do it. They sparkled so brightly together, and I want to find a love that will sparkle just as brightly. Before I could do that, though, I have to do this.
As the phone is ringing, I face the corkboard in my room that I had pinned some of my photos to. One by one, I pull the pins off of the photos and let each of them fall to the floor. All of them were collages I had put together because of how boring ordinary photos were, but with the photo I had taken of Makimura-san and Midori-chan-san earlier.... maybe I could consider adding "ordinary" photos to the corkboard someday.
As I pull off the last pin and the last photo falls....
"Hello, Komari?"
Tama-chan finally answers his phone.
This is it. It's go time.
"Hey, Tama-chan? You have a minute?" I begin the conversation.
"Sure. Everythin' okay?" he asks.
"Yeah," I respond. "I just...."
My voice suddenly drifts off after that.
No, Komari! You can't stop here! Say something, damn it!
"P-pretty chilly today, huh?"
God. Fucking. Damn it.
Once again, I just can't say what I mean. This always happens when I try to tell anyone about this, but it just can't happen now.
I crouch down on the floor of the room, looking down at the photos that had fallen, as Tama-chan speaks again.
"Komari, what's goin' on with ya? Didn't cha have somethin' to tell me?"
"I mean, it's nothing big," is my response.
And of course, it's a lie, just like my relationship with him.
Both of us are silent for a moment. I pick up one of the photos on the floor; it depicts a mailbox flying above the beach.
One of the ones I showed Makimura-san and Midori-chan-san during their stay.
I'm thinking about them again. I know I can't keep lying.
"....No, that's not true," I finally admit, my grip on the photo tightening.
"Komari?" Tama-chan says, obviously sounding confused.
"Tama-chan, listen," I tell him. "I've got somethin' important to tell you."
My heart is pounding even harder. My hand is shaking and gripping the photo even tighter, causing it to get all crumpled. Every single part of me is regretting even deciding to call Tama-chan in the first place and screaming at me to just hang up and never even think about doing anything like this ever again.
Even so, I have to tell him.
"Tama-chan, I....I like girls. I'm a lesbian."
Just like that, I have finally told the truth for the first time.
I should be feeling the weight of the world lift off of my shoulders. There's finally someone other than Makimura-san who knows my secret; I should be happy to finally have someone from my hometown who I don't have to lie to anymore.
Instead, all of my fear and anxiety remain.
Things may have gotten awkward between me and Tama-chan since we started dating, but I still really like him as a friend. He was the one I felt the most comfortable around before we started dating, and now, there's no way we can get that back.
Both of us have gone all quiet again. My legs were getting a bit tired from crouching, yet I can't even move.
This is it. Tama-chan and my friendship is all over-
"Yeah, I kinda already knew."
....What?
I can't believe what I just heard.
"Tama-chan, you....you knew?" I ask for confirmation.
"Yeah. Prob'ly even before you knew," Tama-chan answers.
"Wait, wait, wait! Back up!" I exclaim, standing up and completely loosening my grip on the now crumpled photo, causing it to fall onto the floor again. "The hell d'you mean, you knew?! Before I knew, even!"
"Well, here's the thing," Tama-chan begins to explain. "Back in grade school, I saw ya looking at other girls a lot. The first time I realized how I looked when I thought of you, I realized it was the same way you were lookin' at those girls back then. Plus, remember Suzuki from our sixth year? You used to get all blushy whenever you talked to her."
I do remember. I remember thinking Rino Suzuki was really pretty and, even though we were just kids, that I wanted to kiss her and stuff. Of course, I never told anyone or acted on what I wanted to do, and I haven't even seen her since middle school, when she moved overseas; I'm already over that little school crush.
"That's not all, though," Tama-chan continues. "You've never talked about having crushes on other guys.... Oh, and don't think I haven't seen ya sneakin' around my room, readin' my porn mags!"
What the hell? He saw me doing that?! My face is hot from embarrassment, but I don't say anything in response, instead letting Tama-chan continue explaining.
"I didn't wanna believe I had no chance, though. Despite all of that, I've liked ya for a long time, Komari, so I decided to shoot my shot. I didn't actually think you'd say yes, but when you did, I thought that maybe I was wrong all this time and that you actually didn't like girls that way. Maybe you just had a crush on me all this time, like I did for you, and was just hidin' it. Pretty stupid of me, huh? But then, I noticed you were gettin' more and more uncomfortable with me over the past year, not wanting to do all that much with me....and then, the whole you ignorin' my text thing happened. I had a feelin' things're about to be over between us, and that kinda got me thinkin' about things again...."
I stand there in silence and listen for a while, trying to process this information. Tama-chan asked me out even though he had a feeling I didn't like guys, and I accepted instead of just confirming that feeling. I guess we're kind of similar in how selfish both of us can be.
"So, yeah. Sorry 'bout everythin', Komari," Tama-chan finishes.
I stumble backwards and end up planting my butt on my desk chair. Just a second later, my vision starts getting blurry as my eyes become watery, and next thing I know, I'm a sobbing mess.
"K-Komari?! I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean-!" Tama-chan frantically starts to apologize.
"No, I'm sorry!" I cut him off, still sobbing. "I-I'm sorry for lyin' to ya, for not sayin' anythin' sooner, for breakin' your heart like this.... I'm so sorry for everythin', Tama-chan."
"No, no, Komari!" Tama-chan tries to comfort me. "It's okay! It's really...."
His voice trails off. Even as I continue sobbing, I can hear some faint sniffles on the other end of the line. It's pretty clear Tama-chan's trying not to cry himself; he's always been the type to act all cool and not cry in front of others. With what I just said, though, I can't even blame him for crying.
Finally, I'm able to control my sobs. While I'm wiping away my tears with my sleeve, I ask him a question that I really need an answer to.
"Tama-chan, it's obvious that we're over as a couple, but....we're still friends, right?"
"Yeah, of course," Tama-chan answers. "It might take us a while to get completely back to the way we were, but us being friends will never change."
At last, my heart feels light. The weight of keeping the secret has finally been lifted off of my shoulders.
"Thank you," I tell him.
"No prob," he tells me. "And hey, if you ever find a girlfriend with a straight female friend, introduce her to me, alright?"
It was a very stupid joke, but I laugh despite myself.
"What the heck? Ya sure are gettin' over me real quick!" I joke back.
After that, Tama-chan and I chat for a while about nothing in particular. It's like even though we're broken up, our relationship was even better than ever; it's nice, really. We eventually say our goodbyes and hang up, and I finally feel as if the anxiety I had at the start of the call was never there to begin with.
I get up from my chair, crouch down on the floor again, pick up the picture I had crumpled up, and straighten it out.
It'll be a while before I'm ready to come out to anyone else, but right now, I feel a lot better, knowing that I have someone to support me whenever Makimura-san can't, since she lives so far away.
Seeing the flying mailbox again and thinking about the photo I had taken earlier, I'm able to make my resolve once again.
One day, I will find a love like Makimura-san and Midori-chan-san's.
Until then, though, at least I have the love of a friend!
