Awcrap (prototype)

    I always keep trying to tell people that it's not my real name. My birth certificate tells a completely different story, though; it says that my real name is Awcrap Dickinson. The fact that my name had a bad word in it was, in all honestly, an accident. It's kind of like this; when I was born, my mother was asked what she was going to name me. This was her response.
    "My baby's name will be - AW, CRAP!"
    According to Mom, the reason why she shouted was because she suddenly remembered that she forgot to hire a babysitter for my older sister, Bea, who was about three at the time. The nurses just made an assumption of what my name was going to be, and Mom was too exhausted from childbirth to correct them. My father left while Mom was pregnant with me, so there was no way to correct them.
    Thus, Awcrap became my name.
    Because some people consider "crap", which was in my name, to be a curse word, my whole life was a disaster. No relative would ever step a foot into our house (at least when I was home), and whenever there was a family reunion, Mom and Bea would have to go alone, leaving me behind with a baby-sitter who hated me just because of my name,
    "His bad name is a bad omen."
    That's what most of the people who knows about my true name said about me.
    At school, I was required to go by the name A.C. My real name was something only my teachers knew; if my real name were to be discovered by the student body, I would be expelled. For this reason, I kept my distance from everyone else and had absolutely no friends as a result.
    However, this changed one day during my freshman year of high school.
    I was finally able to genuinely smile for the first time in my life, and it was all because of one girl.
    The girl who refused to judge books by their cover.

    "I cannot stand it anymore! Today, after school, I need to see you in the band room!"
    It happened immediately as I opened my locker right when the first day of school after winter break ended. I had as good of a Christmas as I could possibly ever have, and I was looking forward to another uneventful year of keeping my secret name concealed. This was the exact opposite of what I was looking forward to or expecting. An envelope - the one with that letter inside, floated out of my locker as I thrust it open, leading up to me catching it. Before I opened the envelope and read the letter, I took notice of how the letter was concealed by a heart-shaped sticker. I had my suspicions, and after I read the letter, my suspicions were confirmed.
    This is a love letter.
    Some random chick wanted me to date her.
    Of course, for the sake of my secret being safe, I would have to reject her. I was only going to the band room to do so and do it politely. I had never even seen the band room before, though, so I had to constantly ask for directions. When I finally found the school's Music Department, there were two doors that led into the band room. I walked in through the door on the left.
    It was a very large room. A director's stand was at the front of the room, and it was facing approximately a hundred chairs and music stands that were all lined up in multiple rows. Besides me, there was no one in the band room.
    I decided to sit down in one of the chairs while waiting for the girl who wanted to confess her love to me. I was about to walk over to a chair when the sole of my shoe suddenly came into contact with something round. This caused me to slip and fall; luckily, I managed to stop myself from coming into contact with the floor by reaching my arms out and letting my hands smack onto the hard, concrete floor. It stung my hands a little, but there was no damage done to me.
    I regained my composure and looked back to see what caused my fall. It was a silver cylinder-like thing; it looked like it could be a mouthpiece for a flute. No, wait, scratch that. It is a mouthpiece for a flute.
    What the hell? What kind of idiot would leave a mouthpiece in the middle of the floor? I thought.
    Deciding that I would take the mouthpiece to the school's Lost-and-Found later, I put the mouthpiece in my coat pocket and proceeded to sit in a randomly-selected chair.
    Thus, my wait for the soon-t-be-heartbroken-although-I-will-be-letting-her-down-gently girl began.

    ....I got stood up.
    I had been waiting for 10 minutes; surely, the buses had already left to take students home. I missed my freaking bus because of this girl. Now, I'm either going to have to call my mom to take me home or walk home in the snow. I didn't have my cell phone on me, so calling Mom wasn't an option; the only thing I could do is walk outside in the snow, with the temperature being close to freezing. I sighed and was about to stand up, but....
    "Oh well, I guess I'll practice a little bit here, where no one can bother me, before I go home."
    I suddenly heard the voice of an angel.
    I immediately turned my head toward the direction of one of the doors - the one I didn't come in through - and there she was.
    The most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
    She had brown hair (with a hint of red at the tips) that stretched all the way down to her hips. She had sparkling, baby blue eyes, and a smile was formed on her pink lips. She was wearing a pink sweater, blue jeans, and black tennis shoes. She held a black instrument case in her right hand; it looked suspiciously like it could be the case for a flute.
    The girl took a seat in the chair at the end of the row of the chair that I sat in. She paid no attention to me, so I figured that it wasn't her. I got up and was about to leave when suddenly....
    "Aw, crap!"
    I heard that angelic voice of hers say my name. As much as I hated my name, my heart skipped a beat when I heard her say it out loud. (I figured she wasn't referring to me, but still.) I walked over to the girl; she had a distressed look on her face, but I had this feeling in my guy that she was actually feeling a different emotion. I just shoved that feeling to the side and spoke the first words I've ever said to a fellow schoolmate.
    "What's wrong?" I asked, feeling slightly awkward from having not actually spoken to anyone before.
    The girl just looked at me and spoke.
    "Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. Nothing to worry about, I just seemed to have left the mouthpiece for my flute somewhere."
    Suddenly, I got a feeling of what she was talking about. I took the mouthpiece I found out of my pocket, handed it to her, and asked, "Are you talking about this?"
    The girl eyed the mouthpiece and nodded. She then took it from me and thanked me with the biggest smile in the world.
    "Thank you, Awcrap!"
    "....Wait, how did you know my name?"
    Asking that question may have been the biggest mistake I've ever made. Once I realized exactly what I said, I quickly covered my mouth; however, it was already too late.
    "Oh, wow, that really is your real name! Mission accomplished," the girl said as she put her mouthpiece inside of her flute case (just for the record, the rest of her flute hadn't been assembled).
    ....Wait, what?
    "Wait a minute. Who are you, and what do you mean, 'mission accomplished'?" I asked.
    The girl closed her flute case and turned toward me with that smile still on her face.
    "Nice to meetcha! My name is Chocolate Tesuto!" she introduced herself.
    "....That's a strange name," I accidentally thought out loud.
    "Says the guy who has crap in his name," Chocolate responded. "In all seriousness, though, I know my name is strange. People tell me that a lot. I don't really give a damn, though. I honestly don't think just a name defines who you are, Awcrap."
    "Hold on a second. How do you know my real name in the first place?" I asked.
    "Well, at the beginning of the school year," Chocolate explained, "I was just passing by the guidance counselor's office while you were in there. Then, I kind of overheard the guidance counselor call you by your real name. That got me a bit curious, and my curiosity has finally reached its peak. Over winter break, I put together a plan to lure you here and get you to reveal your real name!"
    "....You're not recording this for the whole world to see, are you?" I asked in response.
    "Ha! Of course not! Why would I?" Chocolate laughed.
    "Well, the thing is, if any of the students find out about my real name, I'll get expelled," I explained. "After all, my real name does have the word 'crap' in it."
    "Don't worry! I'll keep your secret. I'll even call you A.C. in public, and Awcrap only when we're alone!" Chocolate told me.
    "Promise?" I asked; I had never been able to trust anyone before, so how was I supposed to trust a girl who I just met?
    "Cross my heart and hope to die! I'm not the kind of selfish bitch who breaks promises like this!" Chocolate said sincerely.
    I decided to just take her word for it; after all, she did seem like a nice person.
    "So.... do you mind driving me home? I kind of missed my bus," Chocolate asked.
    I got a bit confused for a second, but then, I got what she was asking me.
    "Well, you see, Chocolate," I explained, "I'm only a freshman. I'm still a bit too young to drive, and I don't even have my learner's permit yet."
    "Seriously?!" she exclaimed out of complete surprise. "You look like you could be a senior! Are you sure you're the same age as me?!"
    "Yeah, I kind of get that a lot," I told her.
    That was actually true. More than once, I've overheard my classmates say something along the lines of, "A.C. looks like a senior!" or "Are you sure he hasn't been held back a few grades?" Point is, I'm younger than I look.
    "Well, what now?" Chocolate asked.
    "Well, there's only thing that we can do now," I replied.
    That was how I ended up walking home in what was now practically a blizzard alongside a girl who I had just met and already knew my secret.
    There were only two words I could use to describe my reaction to the fate I had to resign to.
    Aw, crap.

Heart to Heart

Love.
It's a kind of feeling you feel in your heart.
However, sometimes, there will be problems with that heart.
There was an event that always makes me heart break, no matter how many times I think about it.

It all began on a somewhat-normal Friday during my junior year in high school. After the final bell rings just 5 minutes later, spring vacation will begin. My mind wasn't on the Algebra II lesson my teacher was teaching, nor was it focused on the upcoming spring break or even Easter. My mind was on where my eyes kept wandering toward.
The empty desk next to mine.
It didn't use to be empty. Until that day, there would always be someone sitting at that desk. The person sitting there would be a boy with black, somewhat-curly hair and blue eyes. He would also have tannish skin and a somewhat-muscular body. His name is Kyle Lamperouge, and he is one of the cutest boys in the entire school. A majority of girls want him as their boyfriend.... and I admit now that I'm one of them. Not only is Kyle athletic, being on the swim team and all, but he is extremely smart, always getting high scores on tests. He also seems to have a nice personality.
If a guy is cute and nice, I want to be his girlfriend for sure.
I consider myself to be lucky to be sitting next to him in class. This is not just in Algebra II; we were in the same class for all of our classes, and we sat next to each other in every single one. We have even talked a few times, but we never really got to the point of being anything more than acquaintances. I often think of imaginary dates between us, but there was no way I could ever tell him about them.
For the past week, though, I noticed something strange about Kyle. Every time I looked at him, he seemed to be clutching onto his chest in pain, and he seemed a little out of breath. I would pass a Post-It note to him, asking if he's okay. Every time he received the note, he would look at me with a grin which I always knew was fake. Then, he would reply the same way.
"I'm fine, Corina. Don't worry."
Today, though, I didn't see him next to me for any of my classes, including this one. I had no reason to not be concerned about his well-being.
"Corina Stanford!!!!"
I heard my Algebra II teacher shout my name. She had long, brown hair in a bun and hazel eyes behind thick, round glasses. On that day, she was wearing a black, sleeveless dress, a gray vest, white leggings, and black heels. Once I heard her rather low-pitched, shrill voice, all of my attention was on her.
"Yes?!" I cried.
I could hear some of my classmates laugh at me from behind me. Mrs. Luciano just sighed.
"Geez, Corina..... I know you're excited to leave this school in just a few minutes, but pay-" Mrs. Luciano began.
The final bell rang.
"-attention," she finished.
Just like that, everyone in our class was out the door, ready to pick up their things from their lockers and go home for a whole week. I grabbed my stuff and was about to head out, as well.
"Oh, Corina. Come back for a little bit."
I stopped and turned toward Mrs. Luciano. She seemed to have a serious expression on her face. In fact, since her voice had sounded less shrill, it was kind of easy to tell that she was serious. Suddenly, I felt worried. I walked up to her desk and asked her what was up. Once both of us were sure that the coast was clear, she started speaking.
"I see you've been getting along well with Kyle," Mrs. Luciano told me.
I could feel my face get hot; I'm sure that I was blushing at that time.
"W-well, it's not like we're really close or anything," I told her.
Mrs. Luciano seemed to giggle a little bit (I could never understand why), but before long, her serious look returned.
"You may have noticed that he seemed to be in pain over the past week," she continued, to which I nodded. "Well.... he said not to tell anyone else other than you...."
Anyone else other than me? Why not tell anyone, but I can know?
Thinking about this, I nodded, signaling her to continue.
"Last night, Kyle collapsed," she continued. "He was taken to the hospital, where it was discovered.... it's going to hurt to say this...."
"What? What's wrong with Kyle?!" I cried, demanding to know.
Mrs. Luciano then looked at me. She seemed to be trying to stop herself from crying.
"....He has heart cancer," she finished.
At that moment, I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest.
Kyle has cancer?! How could that be?!
"Kyle is staying in Central Hospital. He said that he wants some comfort from the girl he likes," Mrs. Luciano told me.
"....The girl Kyle likes? Who would that be?" I asked.
Mrs. Luciano then slapped her forehead with her palm.
"How in the world can you be so oblivious?!" she cried.
I thought about it for a little bit, and finally, I got the picture.
"Me?!" I cried.
I couldn't believe what was hearing. Kyle, the boy I've liked since the beginning of the school year, likes me?! It was like hearing that I won a trillion dollars in the lottery!
"Try to visit him during spring break. He certainly could use some comfort, whether it's from you or someone else," Mrs. Luciano told me. "Otherwise, I hope you have a good spring break."
She didn't need to tell me twice. As soon as she was done talking, I was at my long, green locker before I even knew it. I put in the combination and opened the door. I unzipped my purple backpack and put all of my school supplies in it. After that, I put my backpack on over my shoulders, slammed my locker shut, locked it, and ran out the door. I wasn't going to get on the buses today; since the hospital where Kyle was staying wasn't so far away from the school, I was going to head there without a moment's hesitation. As I was running toward the hospital, I took my pink cell phone out of the front pocket of my jeans and called my mom.
"Hello? What's wrong, Corina?" my mom asked.
"I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm going to be home late tonight," I explained. "One of my classmates is in the hospital with cancer. I'm going to go see if he's okay."
"Cancer?!" my mom practically screamed. "How the hell is that even possible?!"
"I don't know, but all I know is that he has some kind of heart cancer," I told her. "He's at Central Hospital."
"Well, I'll let you go visit your classmate as long as you call me once you're about to leave. I'll pick you up at the hospital. Don't go off anywhere else, and make sure you call me before 6, alright?" Mom asked.
"Alright. I promise," I responded.
"Good. I love you, Corina," Mom told me.
"I love you too, Mom," I told her.
As we both hung up and I put my phone back in my pocket, I felt glad that I had such an understanding mother.
I continued to run to the hospital. As soon as I reached the entrance, I was out of breath. My heart was pounding, I was breathing heavily, and I was exhausted. As soon as I had recovered for the most part, I walked in through the double doors and approached the reception desk.
"Is it true that Kyle Lamperouge is admitted here?" I asked the lady at the reception desk.
"Oh, yes. His room is on the fourth floor, on the right next to where the elevator leads to," she told me, pointing at the elevator.
Thank God this was the kind of hospital that had an elevator; considering that I had just run about a mile to get here, there was no way I was going to take the stairs.
I walked up to the elevator and pressed the up button. I waited until the metal doors slid open, and when they did, I wasted no second walking in and pressing the button that took me to the fourth floor. Although the elevator ride only took a few seconds, it felt like forever; I didn't think I was ever going to see Kyle. The quiet elevator music did not soothe my discomfort at all.
Once the number showing what floor I was on finally changed to four, the doors slid open again, and I got out of the elevator. I looked to the right of the elevator, and there was a large green door.
That was it.
That was Kyle's hospital room.
Albeit hesitantly, I knocked on the door.
"Come in," a low voice sounded from the other side of the door.
That was Kyle's voice.
He was beyond this door.
He was waiting for me.
I swallowed out of anxiety. Slowly, I opened the door and walked in.
It was a pure white hospital room, with a pure white curtain. There was a small desk where a thick book sat, and right next to that desk was a bed. It was a white bed, with a white pillow and a blue blanket. Kyle was lying in this bed, with the top half of him being slightly elevated by the bed and the bottom half of him being covered by the blue blanet I mentioned earlier.
When he saw that I was here, he smiled. Not one of those fake smiles that he showed to me over the past week, but a real, genuine smile.
I always loved this smile.
"Ah, hey, Corina," Kyle greeted me.
"Uh.... hey, Kyle.... I-I know I should have gotten you a present or something, but I just came as soon as I was told you were here...." I told him nervously.
Kyle just smiled some more. I thought for a second that he was going to laugh, but he didn't.
"So I assume Mrs. Luciano told you?" he asked me.
"Yes. She also told me....something interesting...." I told him.
Immediately, I noticed Kyle's face turn red. He threw back the covers and leapt out of bed....only to nearly fall to the floor. Luckily, I was there to catch him.
"You shouldn't try to get up when you're this sick, Kyle," I told him as I helped him get back into bed.
"I can't help it, though! I told a teacher I trust about the girl I like, only for that teacher to tell that girl...." Kyle cried.
Realizing what he had just said, he shyly hid his face under the covers. I had never known that Kyle has this kind of side to him. I thought it was cute, so I giggled.
"It's not funny," Kyle complained, poking his head back out.
"Oh, sorry. Sorry," I apologized.
You know that awkward silence that happens after you realize that the person you like knows of your feelings? Yeah, that was what was going on after that. It lasted a few minutes before I finally spoke up. Something had been on my mind; I needed to say something about it.
"Love," I said. "It's a kind of feeling you feel in your heart."
I glanced at Kyle. He was just staring down at his blanket, so I couldn't see his face clearly.
"Yeah. Even though my heart has cancer right now, I still feel that love I have had for you since I first met you," he told me in a monotone voice. "Of course, you don't feel the same way...."
"But I do!" I announced.
Kyle then lifted his head up, and we looked each other in the eyes. In his eyes, I could see love. On his face, I could see surprise. I'm pretty sure his true feelings were both. With this in mind, I continued.
"Love is a good thing to feel. Maybe our love for each other can cure your heart cancer," I explained.
Kyle frowned at my plan.
"That's ridiculous," he told me. "Think realistically here, Corina. There's no way love can save me, no matter how much we love each other."
"I may be thinking unrealistically, but you're thinking too negatively, Kyle!" I exclaimed. "With some rest and time for actual treatment, along with my love and encouragement, you'll be better in no time! We can do it, Kyle. Together, we can knock your cancer out of the water."
Kyle seemed to contemplate this for a while, until finally, he sighed. He then leaned toward me to give me a kiss on the cheek.
"Let's just hope this kind of treatment works, Corina," he told me with a weak smile.
"Yeah, let's, Kyle," I agreed before leaning toward him to give him a kiss on his cheek, as well.

After ten more minutes of sitting in that hospital room with Kyle, I decided that I was ready to go home. I called Mom on my cell phone and told her that I was ready. After that, Kyle and I said our goodbyes, and I proceeded to wait for Mmom to arrive outside the hospital. I leaned against the wall of the hospital building and messed around with my long, red hair (currently in a ponytail) as I waited. All the while, I was thinking about what was going on.
Kyle has heart cancer, and I'm pretty much his girlfriend now, I thought. As his girlfriend, I've got to help Kyle every step of the way through this. Maybe my assumption is right; maybe love can cure his cancer.
After a while, my mother pulled up into a parking spot in her red Toyota. I immediately found where she had parked and got in the front seat. After that, Mom drove the car out of the parking lot, and we were on our way home. It didn't take long for her to start asking questions.
"The classmate you went to visit.... by any chance, it isn't that Kyle boy you kept talking about, is it?" Mom asked.
I hesitated for a while, and eventually, I nodded.
"Well, all I can tell you is," Mom responded, "if he gets better-"
"When he gets better," I corrected her. "We're trying to be on the positive side here. At least, I am."
I only spoke that last sentence in my mind.
"Oh, right, sorry, honey. When he gets better," Mom corrected herself, "I'll approve of your relationship. I'll convince your father to do the same."
"Really?!" I exclaimed excitedly.
"Really," Mom responded with a grin. "His mom is actually a friend of mine at work. Really nice lady. I didn't find out until today, though. She ended up leaving early, since she seemed so broken up about something. Before she left, I asked her what was wrong, and she said that she had a son about your age named Kyle. What she told me was that Kyle was hospitalized due to heart cancer. Somehow, I got the feeling that this boy was the one that you were in love with, and when you called earlier, my thoughts were pretty much confirmed."
She then laughed sheepishly. I don't understand why; this wasn't really a time to be laughing at all.
"Anyway, until Kyle gets better, I'll allow you to visit him at the hospital. Just make sure you always return home by 7pm today, okay?"
"Okay!" I agreed, nodding.
Once again, I was glad that I had such an understanding mother.
I was only going to try and hope for the best. I hoped from the bottom of my heart that our love really will cure Kyle.
I was in for one hell of a spring break.

Except for Easter (because it was Easter), I visited Kyle at the hospital every single day during spring break. He always greeted me with a warm smile, no matter how much pain he may have been in. We always talked about random topics to get our minds off of what was really going on. We would constantly tell each other we love each other. At the end of each visit, we would kiss and say our good-byes, and I would leave, unable to wait until the next day so I could see him again.
I treasured every moment I spent with Kyle. I didn't want any of it to end, because with Kyle's cancer and hospitalization, there would be no way that he would be able to come to school.
On a Saturday, I was sitting inside Kyle's hospital room, loathing on the inside how I wouldn't be able to see him again after the next day, when suddenly, Kyle himself spoke up.
"Corina," he exclaimed, "let's go on a date!"
I didn't respond at first. More like, I couldn't respond. It was all happening so fast and so suddenly. Finally, I managed to find the right words to say.
"Look, Kyle. More than anything, I would also love to go on a date with you, but how do you expect yourself to be able to go in the condition you're in?" I explained. "We should wait until you're done with treatment. Then we can go out on a date."
"But what if I never get better?" Kyle asked.
"Kyle, don't say that!" I cried, unable to believe he said that after we tried to take our minds off of this topic for the past week.
"Just saying! I'm not implying that I won't!" Kyle exclaimed, raising his hands in innocence.
To that, I growled a little bit.
"But....I want to be with my girlfriend....outside of this stupid hospital," Kyle continued, completely serious. "In case that I...really don't make it.... I want us to create memories....together."
Each time Kyle paused, he took a large breath. I knew he wasn't feeling his best at that time.
"Kyle, you seem tired. You should get some rest," I told him.
"Okay, but.... promise me you'll be here.... at 9 o'clock tonight.... I'll be waiting....outside...." Kyle explained to me.
And with that, he fell asleep.
I couldn't possibly wake him up, so I left the hospital that day without a good-bye.

Before I knew it, it was 9pm.
I was sitting on my bed when I saw my alarm clock read 9:00.
I was thinking that there was no way Kyle wouldn't be caught outside of the hospital, waiting for me.
Then again, from the time I spent with him, I had learned about how stubborn he actually is. I knew that I had to go set him straight; it was because I loved him that I needed to do this.
That was why, when my parents weren't looking, I took Mom's car keys and snuck out the window. I started Mom's car and began my drive to the hospital.
Don't worry; I have a driver's license. It's just that I don't have the money to buy my own car, and my parents wouldn't dare to buy one for me. I would mostly take the bus to school, because who in their right mind would want to drive their mother's car to school?
Anyway, after a few minutes of driving, I pulled the car up in a randomly-selected parking spot at the hospital. I got out of the car and immediately ran to the entrance of the hospital.
There, I saw Kyle.
He was sitting outside of the hospital in a black wheelchair. He was wearing the aquamarine pajamas he always wore in his hospital room. His head was cocked to the side, and his eyes were closed.
Kyle looked so cute when he was asleep. I couldn't help but think that, even though I knew this wasn't the right time. I grabbed him by his left shoulder and gently shook him.
"Hey, Kyle. Wake up," I whispered.
Kyle twitched for a little bit, and seconds later, he slowly opened his eyes. He looked at me and smiled weakly.
"Oh, hi, Corina," he greeted me.
"What the hell are you doing out here?!" I cried.
"I told you I'd be out here," Kyle responded. "I begged the nurses to leave me out here so I could wait for you."
Stupid nurses, being so easily persuaded, I thought.
"Anyway, let's get going," Kyle said as he started to push himself in his wheelchair away from the hospital.
"No."
Kyle stopped and turned around to face me as soon as I said that one word.
"Wait, no? Why? Trust me, we're going to have so much fun tonight! We could go see a movie-" Kyle started.
"No, Kyle. You can't leave," I interrupted him, grabbing the handles of the wheelchair to stop him from going any further than he had.
"Why....? Do you not like me, Corina?" Kyle asked with a rather hurt tone of voice.
"Of course I do! In fact, I love you! I love you to death, Kyle!" I screamed. "That's why I can't let you push yourself like this! You need to get better-!"
"When the hell am I ever going to get better?! I have freaking heart cancer!" Kyle interrupted me, screaming at the top of his lungs.
"I told you before, our love could-!" I began.
"You said our love could cure my heart cancer," Kyle interrupted me. He then stood up from his wheelchair and slowly walked over to me, crying, "Then why am I not any better yet?! I get heart attacks when you're not around, for crying out loud!"
Those two words shot through me like a bullet.
Heart attacks.
"....Why....?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell me?!"
I couldn't believe it. Kyle, my beloved boyfriend, has been keeping such a secret from me, his beloved girlfriend, the entire time.
"You were looking at the positive side, Corina. I wanted to keep it that way," Kyle replied. "I didn't want you to worry about me. I didn't want anyone to worry about me. That's why I told my teachers not to tell anyone."
"But then, why did you tell them that they could tell me?! I'm always worried about you as is!" I cried.
The truth was, I always told myself, "Kyle will get better; he will win this battle against cancer." However, at the same time, I was so scared that he was going to die. I was so frightened that the cute boy who sat next to me in class will eventually be gone forever. For that reason, I cried myself to sleep every night.
As I was contemplating this, I felt arms wrap themselves around my body. Those were Kyle's arms; he was embracing me in an attempt to comfort me.
"I wanted you to be next to me in my death," he explained, "just like how we were right next to each other in class."
I let myself cry in Kyle's arms for a while.
I couldn't bear it.
I couldn't bear to lose Kyle.
I couldn't bear the fact that sooner or later, I was going to lose him.
That was why I let myself think two words out loud.
"My heart."
Kyle looked at me with a look of confusion on his face.
"You can have it," I cried. "I'll give you my heart.... so please don't die!"
It took Kyle a little while to figure out exactly what I meant.
"A heart transplant?!" he asked, immediately letting go of me.
I nodded.
"Are you crazy, Corina?! If you do it, you'll die!" Kyle cried. "I can't live with myself, knowing that a loved one died for me!"
"What? Are you saying you want to die?!" I questioned him.
"Look, Corina. This past spring break.... it's been the.... happiest time of my life.... I'm happy.... like this..." Kyle replied.
Every time he paused, he took large breaths, all while his left hand was on his chest, where his heart was. As his voice trailed off, he fell to the ground and lost consciousness.
I immediately rushed into the hospital. Luckily, there were doctors and nurses that were working overtime. I explained the situation to them, and they literally dropped everything that they were doing. A stretcher was brought outside, and Kyle was lifted into it before being taken back inside. I almost rushed in after him, but one of the nurses stopped me.
"You've done more than enough, Corina. We'll take it from here," she reassured me. "We can tell you that Kyle will be fine. For now, you should go home. Your parents must be worried."
My parents.
I'm so dead. My parents had probsbly realized I was out of the house, and they were going to kill me before Kyle's cancer could kill him.
As I got in Mom's car and started it, I sighed.
"So much for a first date," I muttered to no one in particular.

Explaining what happened to Kyle, of course, did no good; my parents grounded me until the last day of school. That meant I couldn't see Kyle for two months.
Those two months were the longest two months of my life, and I just wanted it to end.
I had realized that my love can't cure Kyle; nothing can other than a heart transplant. If Kyle won't let me go through with the heart transplant, I was sure that he wouldn't let anyone give him a new heart. Every day, I would fear that he possibly died at that very second. Eventually, people at my school found out that Kyle was, in fact, dying, and it also got out that we were sort of dating. My friends tried to set me up with a few other guys in our school, but all of their attempts failed.
None of the guys who tried to take Kyle's place would fill the empty void in my heart. The seat that was next to mine also remained empty for the remainder of the school year; looking at that empty desk made me really hate the world.
Finally, the eve of the last day of school came. I was unable to sleep; soon, my grounding would be over, and I would be able to see Kyle again. I was so excited, yet the tears coming out of my eyes weren't merely from happiness.
As usual, I was scared that Kyle might have already died. That wasn't just it, though; no matter whether he's alive or not, I wouldn't be able to save him. If he hasn't already, he was going to die soon, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I wanted to do something about this.
I didn't want anyone else to suffer the way he has.
That was when it hit me.
I came into realization of exactly what I wanted to do.
I had a goal for my future.
That goal would probably allow me to help those who are suffering.
I went to sleep peacefully at that moment, praying that Kyle was still alive.
I had to let him know of the goal I was going to start aiming for!

I was waiting anxiously for the final bell of the year to ring. During the yearbook-signing party that our school holds every year within the last hour of school, I just spent my time signing yearbooks, as I had forgotten to buy one myself. However, all I really wanted to do was to rush out of this school. I had somewhere to be and some things to know. I needed to know if Kyle was still alive; that way, I could tell him about the goal I've decided to reach from now on.
The final bell rang at last.
The hour I spent signing yearbooks was the longest hour of my life.
Immediately, I rushed to my locker, got all of my stuff, and ran out the door of the school. I didn't bother getting on the bus; I was going to run all of the way to the hospital just like I did when I first found out Kyle had cancer. My mom somehow already knew that I was going straight to the hospital after school, so I didn't have to call her to let her know where I was going.
I had been exercising more within the time I was away; thus, when I reached the hospital entrance, I wasn't as exhausted as I was on that day. Still, I had to stop for a while to catch my breath. Once I was ready to go inside, I did so without showing any signs of hesitation.
"Oh, Corina! You're finally back!" Shirley, the lady who always greeted me at the reception desk, greeted me with a smile. "Kyle's been missing you!"
"Oh, so it's safe to assume that he's still alive, Shirley?" I asked, feeling relieved.
Shirley's smile quickly turned into a sad frown. She turned toward her computer for a second, as if she was trying to avoid eye contact, before looking back at me.
"What?! What's wrong?!" I cried.
Shirley's behavior frightened me; that had to mean that something happened to Kyle.
"It surprised every one in the staff," Shirley finally explained, "how much Kyle's condition has worsened over the past few months. None of the treatments we've tried are working at all. He doesn't have that long to live at all."
I was shocked. It had only been two months, yet Kyle's already so close to dying?!
"Give it to me straight," I demanded, slamming my hand on the reception desk. "How long does he have, or do you not know?"
"Oh, I know. It's just.... are you sure you want to know?" Shirley asked.
I nodded firmly and said, "I told you to give it to me straight, didn't I?"
Shirley hesitated for a moment before answering my question.
"Two hours, at most."
That response hit me like a rock.... or, to be more accurate, a gigantic boulder.
"He only has that long?!" I shouted so loudly that I attracted the attention of everyone in the nearby waiting room.
"Yes. His body has been hooked up to so many machines and IVs that even the doctors are even a bit afraid to go into his room," Shirley explained. "Are you sure you want to go in there?"
After thinking about it and remembering what Kyle said, I told her my answer.
"Yes. He has told me before that he wants me to be next to him in his death, just like how we sat next to each other in class."
"Very well, then," Shirley replied, a smile on her face. "You remember where his room is, right?"
"Right. See ya, Shirley," I told her, starting to walk toward the elevator.
"Oh, one last thing, Corina!"
I heard Shrley call out to me. I turned around and saw that her smile has faded.
"Good luck trying not to cry," were the last words she told me.

Unfortunately, luck was not on my side.
Even when I was waiting for the elevator to take me to the floor Kyle's room was on, I was on the verge of tears. It was my first time going to see Kyle in two months, and also my last time going to see him ever.
I had to make whatever time he had left to live last for a long time. It felt as if the elevator could not stop fast enough.
It finally did, though.
Once the elevator doors were open, I ran out. The elevator was on one side of the door to Kyle's room; on the other side stood a woman who looked like she was in her 40's. She had long, black hair that went down to her hips and blue eyes. She was wearing a black dress and black shoes. Her face was buried in a handkerchief, and I could hear sobbing coming from her; that had to mean that she was crying.
The woman's name is Riza Lamperouge; she is Kyle's mother. I had met her during one of my trips to Kyle's hospital room; she's a very kind lady, and she approved of me immediately.
Riza looked up from her handkerchief to see me.
"Oh, Corina. It's you," Riza said. "Kyle's in there, and he's...."
She couldn't even finish. Riza collapsed to her knees and sobbed even louder, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief. I walked up to her and patted her on the back; it was a parent's worst nightmare to see their child die first. She looked up at me with her eyes bloodshot from crying.
"The last time I saw Kyle, he said he wanted to spend his last moments with you," Riza said. "Go to him, if you must."
I nodded again. With every bit of courage I had, I opened the large, green door and entered Kyle's room.
There was a tiny bit of light shining in through the window, but the room was completely dark otherwise. When I got a look at Kyle, it become clear that Shirley wasn't kidding. All kinds of machines were attached to Kyle's body. Kyle himself was asleep, and he breathed into a mask that covered his mouth. He was also noticably skinnier, and his once muscular arms were now bony. There was a constant beeping sound filling the room; that was the heart monitor, recording Kyle's heartbeat.
Is this how a dying person always looks?
I slowly walked up to Kyle. Although the door from which I came was on his right side, I walked around his bed to get to his left; that was because I always sat in the desk that was to his left in class. I grabbed his left hand, with the arm it was attached to having an IV in it, and tried almost too hard not to cry over what was about to happen. Just then, Kyle slowly (but surely) opened his eyes and looked at me.
"Corina," he spoke in a raspier voice than usual.
"Well, Kyle," I said with a fake smile on my face, "it seems like my belief was wrong all along. I mean, look where we are now."
"No," Kyle told me. "I only got....so much worse....right after you left....so I....guess it wasn't wrong...."
"Don't die yet, Kyle," I told him, my smile vanishing. "I love you so much....and I want to tell you...."
"What? Tell me....what?" Kyle asked.
Tears were flowing out of my eyes; there was no hope of me stopping them. However, I tried to smile again as I told him of my new goal.
"I've decided to become a nurse. I want to help people like you in any way I can, so I decided that I will one day work at this very hospital as a nurse. I'm going to study very hard to become one, and once I do, I can probably save you.... so don't die yet!"
By the time I was speaking that last sentence, I was too sad to even keep up a fake smile. I closed my eyes and let my tear gush out for a bit while I gripped onto Kyle's hand tightly.
I knew I wasn't fooling anyone. Kyle was beyond saving, and I knew that more than anyone. However, I also knew that it was unfair; we have just reunited, only for him to die in just a short while. I couldn't bear that thought.
I opened my eyes again and saw Kyle, smiling weakly at me.
"A nurse, huh....? Sounds wonderful," he said. "I'm sure....you'll be a....great....nurse...."
I saw the light fading from Kyle's eyes.
He was dying sooner than I thought.... and hoped.
"Corina.... I love you," Kyle whispered.
"I love you too, Kyle," I cried. "I always have, and I always will."
"Then....if we were to meet again....in another life....would you....marry me?" Kyle asked me.
"We could get married right now! We could say our vows right here and now!" I cried. "Kyle Lamperouge, do you take Corina Stanfeld to be your wife, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish for all of eternity?"
"Yes, Corina..... I mean, I do. Even when.... I die.... I will.... always.... love.... you," Kyle said.
I'm not sure how I realized it, but I knew that Kyle had said his last words right then and there. I had to finish our "wedding" by myself.
"I, Corina Stanfeld, also take Kyle Lamperouge to be my husband, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish for all of eternity," I declared. "That is my solemn vow."
I closed my eyes and let tears fall down my cheeks. I suddenly felt Kyle's hand slip from mine, and this caused me to open my eyes. I saw Kyle motionless, his body cold and his eyes cosed. He wasn't breathing, and the room was filled with a low buzzing noise. That was how I knew.
Kyle's heart had stopped.
I immediately called the doctors to try to save him, but even I knew there was nothing that could be done.
Kyle died that day.


At the very least, he went with a genuine smile on his face.


I was depressed for a while after Kyle's death, but I quickly managed to get over it. I knew that Kyle would not be happy if I got too depressed; after all, he was now watching me from the heavens. Besides....
If I stayed depressed, I would not made my dream come true.
For the rest of high school, along with college and eventually medical school, I studied very hard, occasionally to the point where I almost pushed myself too hard. However, in the end, it was worth it.
Before I knew it, I was working as a nurse in the same hospital where Kyle died.
I have encountered many patients; some of them made a recovery from their ailment, and others have passed away, which has caused me to cry, especially for patients I was close to. I have never encountered anyone else who had heart cancer, probably because of how rare the cancer was.
I'm more than okay with that, because at least no one I knew would have to suffer the way Kyle did.
I thought of Kyle every day, knowing that he was watching me from the heavens as I diligently worked as a nurse. I also know that even if I were to encounter another guy who loved me like he did....
A part of my heart will always be with him.